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// Filed under: Theories on Monday October 24th 2005, 3:38 pm Little Red Riding Hood. Now there’s a creepy fairytale for you. A wolf kills an old lady and then dresses up in her clothes. Look me in the eye and tell me that wolf doesn’t have some serious personal issues. And as for our protaganist herself, named only after her item of clothing - she’s got some serious eyesight problems if she’s having the trouble distinguishing her dear old grandmother from a slavering wolf. And look, far be it for me to condone violence being shown to children, but is it really appropriate for a children’s tale to end with the villain of the piece being hacked to death by an axe-wielding hunter? (Is nothing safe from political correctness any more?) Personally though, I don’t think there’s enough senseless violence in fairy tales. Hansel And Gretel for example. Instead of dropping pebbles or breadcrumbs, why didn’t he mark his path with carefully laid land mines. I know if I was being taken to a house made of gingerbread and various confectionary delights, I’d want to keep the only safe path to it heavily fortified against any potential candy-stealing invaders. And Cinderella! I mean, wow. Glass slippers? Talk about your injury hazards around the home! One wrong step and smash! Shards of razor-sharp glass embedded in your feet. There’d be enough tendon and nerve damage there to ensure she’d never have full movement or feeling in those feet again, assuming of course the clumsy bimbo didn’t sever them altogether. Sheesh. // 1 Comment 
// Filed under: Theories on Friday September 16th 2005, 1:55 pm Now if you’re like me, (i.e. male and single) you may have a habit of noticing females as you walk around shopping centres and public places. I’m sure you’ve seen females around before, it’s quite a popular choice for gender these days. Now being a female naturally (to the disappointment of many males) leads to wearing clothes in public. And this is the subject of today’s Theory - the clothing choices of females. Sorry to those of you hoping for a dissertation on the female anatomy; there are other places one can visit to see attractive females. So let’s begin. Working in customer service for some time now, and of course the sheer act of being alive and having working eyes, has led me to notice that the most common colour combination for females, particularly teenage ones - and I’m talking 50% at the very least here - is a light pink top, and blue jeans. Always the same. Light pink top. Blue jeans. One simple question: Why? Sure, it’s a nice colour combination. It’s easy on the eyes, and definitely very feminine. I’m not saying it looks bad, in fact, on the right girl I’m sure it could be postitively stunning. But why, why, why is it so widespread? Why is that everywhere I go, girls are wearing the same colour combination? Why is that I can see at least once a week, a whole group of girls walking along, all wearing pink tops and blue jeans? And why do I italicise so much? Is it genetic? Is it a social imperative - pink-and-blue-are-feminine-colours-and-you-will-wear-them? Is it a secret society, dedicated to confusing the hell out of Tim? All of these are equally plausible. Because come on, how many colour combinations are out there? There must be more than one. It’s not like there’s a little back room somewhere in fashion land, where grey-and-beige sit together in a smokey haze with black-and-brown, swigging heavily from a half-empty vodka bottle and complaining bitterly about the “good old days” before those “pink-and-blue skanks” moved into town. It’s a question for the ages, my friends. Perhaps we will never know the answer. // 9 Comments
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