Let Sleeping Blogs Lie

// Filed under: Random on Friday February 01st 2008, 9:24 pm

Complacency steals over me, a soft blanket made entirely of the dust of good intentions. I sleep under its warming cover, happy in my filth, and enjoying the quiet satisfaction of my own fulfillment. And why shouldn’t I? As I move in with a beautiful woman, as I work hard at my new job - what would I have to talk about? What would I even say? I smack my lips unconsciously and roll over, for my sleep is long and deep and happy. There’s nothing to vent about anymore - no ire to bestow, no bellyfire to awaken the fingers and entangle the keyboard.

And yet - something stirs.

Someone approaches. Someone… someone calls.

Subject: CAD
Date: Tue, 29 Jan 2008 23:29:23 -0800 (PST)
From: Ian Moldovan [vampdow@yahoo.com]
To: Tim Colwill [tim@timtekindustries.com]

I just stumbled upon a page of yours where you talk about Tim Buckley’s Ctrl-Alt-Del and calling it sexist and insulting. I just want to say that you could not be more wrong. If you actually knew what Lucas was thinking at that time, then you would understand why he was saying the things he was saying. And I agree with many of the things he said there, and I am a complete and utter feminist. So please, in the future, do a little research and get a brain before doing this sort of thing.

Twitch.

Twitch.

Subject: RE: CAD
Date: Sat, 02 Feb 2008 00:25:52 +0900
From: Tim Colwill [tim@timtekindustries.com]
To: Ian Moldovan [vampdow@yahoo.com]

Dear Ian,

Thank you for your prompt response to my comic posted on the internet ten months ago. I am writing to you today to humbly beg your personal forgiveness.

When I placed that comic onto the internet, I was not aware that you were in close direct and personal contact with the fictional character of Lucas Davidowicz. I had no way of knowing that somewhere out there was a person who actually knew what Mr. Davidowicz was thinking better than I did. I deeply and sincerely apologise for misinterpreting Mr. Davidowicz’s actions and motivations. I hope that in the future I will not be so arrogant as to presume that I am able to comprehend the thoughts of a fictional character on a deeper level than another reader.

I know now that because my opinion and interpretation is different from yours, that I must have been wrong. I accept that, and I have taken it to heart. I would count it as a personal favour if you would continue to email me with your turgid and ill-thought out opinions, that I may take them on board and call them my own. It would be a huge honour to receive this level of moral guidance from you, sir.

It is my deepest hope and wish that in the future I will be able to understand gender issues and relationships on the deep and complex level that you clearly do. Your agreement and support of an idea is the most important thing to me, and I promise to you now that I will spend the rest of my days in ceaseless pursuit of your approval. It is clear to me that because you agree with something, it must be right, and any thoughts to the contrary are deviant and inexcusable. I accept this, and I hope that with your help I can work to become a better person, and a better feminist.

I also promise to you now that I will endeavour to research issues more thoroughly before commenting on them. My comic, which expressed my thoughts in detail and with illustrated examples, was clearly a knee-jerk reaction. I accept that the fact that I have been closely following CAD for several years means nothing to you, and I am working to change that. In the future I will prepare several chapters worth of background material and submit it to you in triplicate with a standard lead time of fourteen (14) working days for your vetting.

I hope that you will forgive me, and work with me in the future to help me improve. Perhaps with time, I too can reach the staggering levels of ignorance, arrogance and terrifying naiveté that you display.

Your fan,
Tim Colwill

Oh, internet.

Ohhhhhhh, internet.

I am risen.

// 4 Comments

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