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// Filed under: Politics on Thursday September 20th 2007, 8:39 pm Have you ever noticed that nearly half the Mortal Kombat characters were created simply by changing the colour of the costume of an existing character? No? Well, there you go. Man, blogging! Who does that these days? It’s so passe. Anyway. A little while back now, the Chaser team mixed a little fake motorcade together with some terribly, terribly fake security passes and a third pair of testicles, stuck a little Canadian flag on top and drove the whole crazy cake through the supposedly impenetrable $160 million security surrounding the 2007 Sydney APEC Summit. Understandably, this upset a few people - not to mention the boys themselves, who never expected to get past the gates. After all, they were wearing Insecurity Passes with the word “JOKE” written on them in giant letters, and they were up against the biggest lockdown the nation’s most populous city had ever experienced. A lockdown that apparently equates a motorcade of black SUV’s with importance, but that’s neither here nor there. No, my friends, the real outrage facing the nation today, the real scandal here is not that $160 million dollars of taxpayer-funded extraordinary, draconian security measures failed to stop a team of 11 comedians - one of whom was dressed as Osama bin Laden - the real scandal is that these filthy, disgusting, and above all leftist fucks are laughing at terrorism, spitting on the grave of everyone who’s ever lost their life in a terrorist attack, and they’re doing it on my goddamn taxpayer money. Or so Gerard Henderson tells me. Gerard’s article is a real scroll-wheel turner, and basically only because it’s the most delightfully biased piece of opinionated trash I’ve heard since the last time I recorded myself trying to quantify the exact level of shit present in a single Ctrl+Alt+Del comic. Gerard’s main point is this little gem: It is not okay to make fun of terrorism because people have died from terrorism - a wonderful line right up there with other clinically small-minded arguments like “Burning the flag should be outlawed because good people fought and died for that flag”. But not only is Gerard taking the time to come down from Moral Heights Luxury Apartment Blocks to tell us what is and isn’t an appropriate subject for humour, he’s also prepared a wonderful dissertation for us on how doing so was an abhorrent waste of taxpayer’s money. Thanks Gerard! He is obviously the most qualified to know - as the Executive Director of the Sydney Institute and former Chief-of-Staff to John Howard, he knows only too well the peculiar tang of wasted taxpayer money hanging heavy in the acrid Sydney air. Oh, Gerard! Your enlightening opinion pieces speak to me in the illuminating manner of a shaft of light from a musty tomb; the lid on the sarcophagus cracking to reveal the screeching generational values of a thousand years past. I can actually see the paper on which ink was wasted printing your article aging before my very eyes, crumbling into dust almost as fast as support for the Liberal party plummets in the opinion polls (See what I did there?). “THIS IS NOT FUNNY, TERRORISM IS SERIOUS!” you wail, spewing your Chardonnay out onto your copy of The Financial Review as you prepare to host one of your high-powered lunches for the Prime Minister in your exclusive Sydney estates, with their high walls and their electronic security. How convenient that all those Algerians were able to die to remind you that terrorism is a real threat, and that we can never be too secure. And how convenient that you, a man who doubtless earned more writing that single piece of morally fossilised diatribe than I’ve earned in the past two months of working full time, has taken the time out to tell me how the average man should feel. I tip my budget can of soft drink at you sir, from my worn hand-me-down chair in the splendour of this semi-rural unfashionable suburb - I can now vote for the Liberal government with complete peace of mind, knowing that this team of arrogant comedians has got the tongue-lashing they deserve. Having the temerity to tell others what is and is not funny, having the insufferable hubris to treat authority with anything but grave respect, these are the hallmarks of the subversive and the radical, my friends. We need to watch out for this sort of free thinking and crush it remorselessly under our boot-heels, lest the terrorists win and we become one of those horrible backward little Eastern countries I can’t pronounce. With their highly religious governments, their crushing of free speech, their outrageously brutal anti-sedition laws, and their security measures which allow people to be held for obscenely long periods without trial for the most minor of offences. That would be bad. // 6 Comments
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Jess says:
September 20, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Jim(i) says:
September 21, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Valheru Kaneda says:
September 21, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Jim(i) says:
September 21, 2007 at 6:21 pm
REDS8N says:
September 22, 2007 at 1:38 pm
merc says:
September 22, 2007 at 5:17 pm