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Tim Colwill is a 22 year old human male who resides in Perth, Western Australia. Inventor of the cardboard toaster and the car-powered car, Tim is also an accomplished author, having penned such notable works as Romeo and Juliet, Clifford The Big Red Dog, and The Bible. In his spare time, Tim directs movies under the nom de plume Steven Spielberg and maintains his own standing army of genetically engineered watermelons. Truly it is said that Tim has had an illustrious career, matched only by its ludicrously unbelievable exaggeration.

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The Mathematics of Denial

// Filed under: Politics on Saturday February 10th 2007, 7:47 am

“Now, Peter argues, Peter says all the Kyoto work has reduced the growth of emissions by 5 per cent by the countries involved. I gave some reasons as to why that growth is masked by collapses in economic activity in Europe. But just think of this. Peter is proposing that by 2050 and the Labor Party’s policy is, in fact, 60 per cent reduction in greenhouse gas emissions by 2050 – and that is a very, very big reduction; now, if we do that by ourselves it will make no difference to global warming, unless the rest of the world plays a part. Because this is a global problem. We can deal with water ourselves, within our own country. But global warming has to have a global solution. It’s obvious, isn’t it? A tonne of carbon put into the atmosphere in Sydney has as much impact on the atmosphere as one put into the atmosphere in Shanghai. So everybody’s got to be in it together.”

What you just read was a man saying this: That because global warming is a global problem, anything Australia does on its own is useless. What you just read was a man saying: Australia shouldn’t bother doing anything at all about global warming, because nobody else is doing anything.

Who is this man, ladies and gentlemen? Well, let’s set it up with a few clues. He’s obviously heavily in denial, and clinically retarded. Yes, you guessed right. He’s Malcolm Turnbull, Australia’s Federal Environment Minister, live on the 7.30 Report Thursday night, having his face verbally caved in by Peter Garrett.

Let me walk you through some simple mathematics, Malcolm. I know you’re a regular reader.

Let us assume the amount of emissions currently globally is, for abstract purposes, 100. Let us then assume that Australia’s part of that emission is 10. Now, let us assume Australia cuts its emissions as planned, by 60 percent. We are now contributing a total of 4, 6 less than before. So let’s do the maths.

100 - 6 = 94

So we can see that the total amount of emissions in the world has been (very slightly) reduced. Now, let’s do the global warming mathematics, Malcolm Turnbull style.

100 - 0 = 100

As you can see, the results are simply astounding. Under Malcolm’s radical plan of doing absolutely fucking nothing for fear that it might damage the Howard government’s precious economy, the amount of reduction in emissions has changed by absolutely zero. But hey, at least the economy is still good, right?

“…we have to remember that there is an economic cost. However you do it, whether you do it through taxes, whether you do it through subsidies which are funded by taxes, whether you do it through carbon trading, when you put a price on carbon, you impose a cost on the economy, and the higher that cost, the more impact that has… If you impose a massive cost on the Australian economy you will do enormous damage to jobs. And that’s why all this week interviewers have been saying to Peter, “What is it going to cost?” Three times on another channel he was asked and he would not say and, finally, the interviewer in frustration said, “Does this mean that consumers will have to pay more?” Peter said, “I don’t know what ‘pay more’ means.” Really, is that the sort of recklessness we can expect?”

Because I’m feeling so fucking generous, here’s another freebie for you Malcolm: It doesn’t fucking matter, what the cost to the economy and to jobs are, because any children any of us plan on having won’t have a planet to fucking live on by the time you’re done.

Roll on the election year.

// 9 Comments

9 Comments »

Tim says:

February 10, 2007 at 6:16 pm

Fuck, I’m an angry sunnovabitch.
Tinkling Koala says:

February 13, 2007 at 2:03 am

Politicians are just as bad no matter where you live, it certainly ain’t any better here. The unlogic of their global warming policies on both sides permeates every aspect of governance, they’re a bunch of bumbling fools. I wouldn’t trust a professional politician to choose my toothpaste, let alone run my country.
Jim(i) says:

February 13, 2007 at 5:45 am

Yeah, but I agree with you. Not so much becuase of your well-founded diatribe, but because you look damn fine in a two piece.

DAMN fine.
Theron says:

February 13, 2007 at 5:28 pm

As someone who voted Liberal in the last election, and thought Labour were a bunch of…well let’s say dumbarses to keep it rated PG…I’ve got to say Liberal are going straight into the gurgler this election. I mean seriously, could my favourite Johnny Howard do anything WORSE at the moment? Or perhaps he’s just given up winning the election against the powerhouse that is Kevin Rudd, and has instead decided to break another Australian record: the fastest decline in political popularity. Ever.
Jim(i) says:

February 15, 2007 at 9:53 pm

Aha! A liberal voter! I feel so disillusioned; I thought you people were a myth. I’ve seen you on TV, but didn’t think you really existed. Like leprechauns and Dutch people.

Tulips and windmills, I’m not falling for that one.

Also, I want to make it clear I was telling Tim he looked damn fine in a two piece, not Tinkers there. Because he does, and I tell it like it is.
Valheru Kaneda says:

February 22, 2007 at 7:58 am

It’s alright though, Tim. We’re going to use fluorescent light bulbs now.
Global warming crisis averted!
In regards to the effect on the economy I was reading something from some leader of a business council, that if we try to do things like reduce emissions it’s not going to have a bad effect on the economy because it will give the opportunity for new businesses to come about who provide the goods and services necessary for other companies to reduce their emissions.
Damn that was one long sentence.
Tinkling Koala says:

February 23, 2007 at 11:54 am

Thank God for your confirmation, Jim. I was begginingto fear that the pictures had got out.

I usually fall into the “Can`t Be Bothered” camp on global warming, thoughthis Turnbull fellow is mindboglingly stupid. “Do what everyone else is doing” is a tremendously moronic MO for a government body to take. They`re like sheep.

Winston Churchill would have a thing or two to say about this…
t3h (h4r says:

February 27, 2007 at 6:05 pm

Tim! I still read your journal, even if it is only confusing political babble about Australia that has little to no relevance to my life! ^_^b

IT IS BECAUSE YOU ROCK even though I don’t remind you as often as I once did!
Siduri says:

August 18, 2007 at 7:21 am

Oh yeah? I can beat that! Not only is my government refusing to do Jack Shit about global warming, not only is my government ignoring the science, but it’s actively declaring war against science AND the economy isn’t even any good.

USA! USA! USA!