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// Filed under: Politics, Life on Monday January 29th 2007, 1:31 pm Dear Diary, Today I met a young Asian woman who strongly supported Pauline Hanson and her policies. As ever, // 2 Comments 
// Filed under: Life on Saturday January 20th 2007, 8:48 pm Three days in a row now, I have been offered, out of the clear sparkling blue, a banana. Three days in a row. Why? “They’re cheap again! Have one!” Bananas are cheap again? So? Is our culture really so banana-starved that as soon as the price drops below a-bazillion-dollars-a-kilo, the banana replaces the traditional courtesy offering of a cold beer, pocketed cigarette or cup of tea? I’m going to go ahead and say, yes. Anyway. Let’s talk about life. Grab your bananas and sit comfortably. So I’ve finished university now. Almost. That multimedia unit I dropped in 2005 has come back to haunt me, as I’m forced to pick up the summer-school reins and drive myself through four intensive weeks of Special Topics in Sociology: Islam, Teror and Multiculturalism. I’ll have to write an essay. An essay. For the first time in… well, Allah knows how many years. Hopefully my essay-writing voodoo hasn’t atrophied with disuse, though I doubt I’ll ever reach the peaks I once looked down from with disdain. Did you know in 2001 I wrote an essay effectively claiming that Impressionism didn’t actually exist? Got 97.5% for that one. If you’ve heard that story already, I apologise. I’m absurdly proud of that. Once that’s done though, it’s a one-way train to Graduation City, gateway to Employmentsville and Middleagecrisisopolis. Affectionately known to the locals as The Rest Of My Life. It will be great to get out of university finally. Not that I haven’t enjoyed it - I’ve made some fantastic friends, did some work I’m exceptionally proud of and had the privilege of being taught by amazing people. But I’m done. I’m done with being graded and taught and working towards beginning a life. I just want to move on, to wherever that is. Speaking of moving, my car works now. The steering wheel, in what can only be described as some sort of ground-breaking technique, actually turns. It is a horseless carriage of pure delight once again. The radiator was fixed as well, though not without some shady dealing. While it was in the radiator shoppe I received on my mobile a phone call, from the radiateur, informing me that my thermostat was sticking. This is of course the classic “Excuse me, but how about some more of that delicious thing you earthlings call money” line, so I was naturally cynical and told them to leave it, I’ll take my chances goddammit, living on the edge may scare chumps like you but the word “catastrophicenginefailureduetoblownthermostat” isn’t in this man’s dictionary, thankyou kindly. They kindly accquiesced and disconnected their phone. Anyway. I get home, and idly read through the work statement. A phrase catches my eye. “Due to customer opting not to replace thermostat, warranty could not be given on radiator”. Clever bastards. Still, that’s all taken care of by a different, trusted mechanic now, so hopefully the only catastrophic engine failure taking place will be that of the wankers who overtake me on the highway when I’m cruising along at the speed limit. You fuckers know who you are. I’m going to segue untidily here and tell you that I went to Sydney in December. For two amazing weeks with Jess, my amazing girlfriend. I don’t think two uses of the word “amazing” in any given sentence quite encapsulates the love I have for this woman, or what a wonderful woman she is. But I did it anyway. That’s life on the edge for you, folks, right there. Sydney is… well. Myriad. The city itself is dirty. Dirty and harried. We caught the train in a few times, and as we rattled along in the germ-infested-coffins that pass for train carriages in that eastern land, the vista out the window as you cross into the city proper is nothing short of terrifyingly enrapturing. It’s a criss-cross bombshell of rusting scaffolding, abandoned metal-clad buildings, broken windows, piles of scrap metal… I would not have batted an eyelid to see a Martian tripod bellow an earth-shattering warcry as it stalked scurrying human resistance members through this broken labyrinth. It was like something straight out of the more desolate urban areas of Half-Life 2, or the nastier quarters in Children of Men. A great game and a great film respectively. And Sydney people? Yeah, you’re all jerks. With your oh-god-I-am-in-such-a-hurry driving and your dirty looks when I don’t stand to the side on an escalator to let you scurry up like the fervent, bargain seeking rats you are. In Perth, you motherfuckers, you get on an escalator and you fucking relax that shit up. The power of mechanical science is carrying you up, or if you’re feeling particularly sauce, down, an incline. Why would you want to ruin that sort of civilised tranquility with all this exertion crap. You fucking bastards. Now, Sydney suburbs. These I like. A lot. In fact, the further you get from the city proper, the more tranquil and pleasant everything gets. By the time we got to the Blue Mountains, it was like some sort of fog-covered nirvana. Oh, speaking of fog, let me describe our Blue Mountains experience for you: more fog. We were there for three days and on the second, and last days, it was completely fogged up for the entire day. Not just in the morning or afternoon - the entire, goddamn, day. We managed to get to see the valley on the first day though, and.. well. Wow. I could have stood there for hours. Just… trees. Stretching away in every direction, so small they blend into one endless carpet of green. It was incredible. It was so empty and so full of life at the same time. I wish I could have gone down there, trekked through it, come out the other side, wherever it ends. When we went to Canberra as well, it was the same - looking out over the vast, endless dry flatness on the side of the Federal Highway. It was inspiring, and magical, and… yeah. There’s always been a little part of me that wanted to throw everything away and spend the rest of my life exploring Australia from one end to the other, and now it pipes up stronger than ever, in the quieter moments. There’s so much out there, and it’s so beautiful. I wish I could get to know it better. Anyway. I had to come back. And here I am. I feel weirdly apprehensive. Graduation, and gainful employment, lurk so close around a corner, yet I can’t bring myself out of my carefree-post-project cruising to focus on which way I’m sailing. This post is way too long. Stay tuned, sports fans. // 3 Comments
// Filed under: Life on Monday January 01st 2007, 1:55 am So. It’s 2 a.m. on New Year’s Day. I’ve soberly volunteered to drive four slightly inebriated friends from our party back to their local slumbering hole. We pile into my car and race off in the manner of young folk, scraping the underside of my beautifully heavily-laden car across the kerb as we do so. Ten minutes later down the road, smoke is billowing out of my bonnet and my temperature gauge is screaming red murder at me. I swear like a fishwife, and yank the car off the road into the service entrance of a nursing home for inspection. Of course, the hood is smoking hot, so we have to leave it for a while. Obviously the radiator is somehow borked, so calls are made to the RAC (roadside assistance). My friends and I wait patiently for two hours until the car arrives (it’s a very busy New Year’s Day). The learned RAC man takes one look inside my bonnet and casually informs me that my car won’t be going anywhere without an entirely new radiator. So. He hands me a tow slip, calls me in a tow truck and takes off again. Half an hour later, the tow truck arrives and together we manhandle my burgundy beast onto its back and drive off into the night, leaving my sobered-up friends to take our other car back to the slumberhole and return to gather the rest of our now-slightly-less-merry band. Of course, nobody is less merry than myself, as I arrive home at 5 a.m. on New Year’s Day looking at a $400 replacement radiator, not to mention the steering fix, oil filter, brake pads and general complete overhaul my car’s been needing for a time. Happy New Year, everyone! // 3 Comments
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