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The Author

Tim Colwill is a 22 year old human male who resides in Perth, Western Australia. Inventor of the cardboard toaster and the car-powered car, Tim is also an accomplished author, having penned such notable works as Romeo and Juliet, Clifford The Big Red Dog, and The Bible. In his spare time, Tim directs movies under the nom de plume Steven Spielberg and maintains his own standing army of genetically engineered watermelons. Truly it is said that Tim has had an illustrious career, matched only by its ludicrously unbelievable exaggeration.

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Sputter, Choke

// Filed under: Random on Monday May 08th 2006, 2:06 pm

From here:

CRANE: OK, so what’s the best part about online comics?

FARNON: They get you laid. Plain and simple, they get you laid, laid, laid. I shouldn’t have to say anything more than that. When you do online comics, you broadcast to the entire universe your artistic sensibilities, a sense of humor, and abstract concepts like “commitment” and “dedication.” Girls love it. Mysterious, beautiful creatures from other dimensions will track you down, insinuate themselves into your life, repair all your internal damage and inspire you toward greater achievement. I say again: online comics get you laid.

CRANE: Fair enough.

*cries quietly to himself*

// 10 Comments

10 Comments »

Tinkling Koala says:

May 9, 2006 at 12:43 am

We regret to inform you that your bus full of hot women willing to pleasure you has tragically collided with an 18-wheeler. There were no survivors.
popogeejo says:

May 9, 2006 at 2:35 am

You may not have a bus load of Women but you have a ROBOT!
…
My condolances.
Doomy says:

May 9, 2006 at 9:34 am

Don’t cry. I’d do ya.
Georgia says:

May 10, 2006 at 9:23 pm

Notice he didn’t actually specify that you get laid by GIRLS? Obviously he’s trying to trick more hapless webcomic artists into becoming carriers for the hyrbid alien progeny of his dark masters.

Girls don’t actually read webcomics; they just lure the creators into the aliens’ sticky and disturbingly erotic grasp in exchange for My Little Ponies and gay porn.
t3h (h4r says:

May 12, 2006 at 12:11 am

Hey, you’d be laid if you lived in a different country. A country like, say, Canada. *innocent whistle*
Doomy says:

May 12, 2006 at 6:44 am

I called him first.
Tim says:

May 12, 2006 at 4:13 pm

Ladies, please! One at a time!
Jim(i) says:

May 15, 2006 at 12:16 pm

Not when your an insatiable web comic artist, Tim. When your a smooth-talking, mocha-drinking, laid-back, pimped-out deal closer who’s not afraid to tell it like it is because there’s a revolution on baby, and you don’t care who gets hurt, well, then you get a harem. I read it in Hyper.
t3h (h4r says:

May 16, 2006 at 10:04 am

*big grin*
Jimi(i) says:

May 16, 2006 at 12:23 pm

I’d been up for 31 hours when I wrote that, eighteen of which had been spent in a car bare inches away from Scott, the ‘cream’ of the security industry. He sapped away my grasp of English syntax, damn it! Did I mention he’s a Texan affiliate of the KKK? It was like working with George Bush, only less funny. That’s my excuse anyway.

Yes, I meant to type “you’re”, not “your”. As in, “Hi Tim, YOU’RE a condescending bastard”. In a good way.