Comments on: Untitled (Part 1)

By: t3h (h4r

t3h (h4r — Sat, 29 Oct 2005 18:21:42 +0000

Holy. Crap.

……
……..jealousy and lust, my friend. Jealousy and lust. >.>;

By: Tom

Tom — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:29:27 +0000

WOW. This is the best thing I’ve read. EVER. Well, since some comic about a kid getting tele-fragged by a pokemon.

By: Rock And Roll Destruction

Rock And Roll Destruction — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 13:04:52 +0000

That was awesome. Viva La Film Noir!

By: Edminster

Edminster — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 03:54:42 +0000

“More moxie than you can throw a brick at, even. And I’ve thrown more than a few bricks in my time. ”

I like it, really I do. Only suggestion I have would be to change it to

‘And I’ve thrown more than a few bricks at a goodly portion of moxie, let me tell you.’

But that’s just my suggestion. You know, in reading over that, just forget what I just said. It destroys the build-up of tension in the first two paragraphs, and would defuse the first punchline. Nevermind.

By: Doomy

Doomy — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 05:35:27 +0000

So… this means that secretly you wish you were a 1930s detective who got drunk before 9:00am every day?

By: Doomy

Doomy — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 05:35:58 +0000

And also, how could he remember her like she was yesterday if he was drunk all the time?

(But seriously, great story.)

By: Satan

Satan — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 12:02:51 +0000

because you are simon’s brother, i have to say, unlucky mate, i pity you

By: Aniuk

Aniuk — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 22:38:10 +0000

Good story. But, like, won’t you just get totally bollocked for taking the piss out of everything Creative writing shit is about? Not really my place to say cos I’m 14 and live in england… whatever. Ok? Just leave it.

By: Sparkles

Sparkles — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 20:33:17 +0000

I generally find pointlessly self-aware writing quite annoying, but that’s well written. Only thing I could say is that during the long dialogue in the middle, more references to the surroundings and expressions and stuff might improve it. Otherwise it’s really good.

By: Kostya Anenkov

Kostya Anenkov — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 04:08:09 +0000

I am Zoidberg!