TimTek Industries » Theory #2: Fairy Tales

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Tim Colwill is a 22 year old human male who resides in Perth, Western Australia. Inventor of the cardboard toaster and the car-powered car, Tim is also an accomplished author, having penned such notable works as Romeo and Juliet, Clifford The Big Red Dog, and The Bible. In his spare time, Tim directs movies under the nom de plume Steven Spielberg and maintains his own standing army of genetically engineered watermelons. Truly it is said that Tim has had an illustrious career, matched only by its ludicrously unbelievable exaggeration.

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Theory #2: Fairy Tales

// Filed under: Theories on Monday October 24th 2005, 3:38 pm

Little Red Riding Hood. Now there’s a creepy fairytale for you. A wolf kills an old lady and then dresses up in her clothes. Look me in the eye and tell me that wolf doesn’t have some serious personal issues. And as for our protaganist herself, named only after her item of clothing - she’s got some serious eyesight problems if she’s having the trouble distinguishing her dear old grandmother from a slavering wolf.

And look, far be it for me to condone violence being shown to children, but is it really appropriate for a children’s tale to end with the villain of the piece being hacked to death by an axe-wielding hunter? (Is nothing safe from political correctness any more?)

Personally though, I don’t think there’s enough senseless violence in fairy tales. Hansel And Gretel for example. Instead of dropping pebbles or breadcrumbs, why didn’t he mark his path with carefully laid land mines. I know if I was being taken to a house made of gingerbread and various confectionary delights, I’d want to keep the only safe path to it heavily fortified against any potential candy-stealing invaders.

And Cinderella! I mean, wow. Glass slippers? Talk about your injury hazards around the home! One wrong step and smash! Shards of razor-sharp glass embedded in your feet. There’d be enough tendon and nerve damage there to ensure she’d never have full movement or feeling in those feet again, assuming of course the clumsy bimbo didn’t sever them altogether.

Sheesh.

// 1 Comment

1 Comment »

Tom says:

October 25, 2005 at 2:59 pm

This theory. It’s not so much a theory as it is bizarre ravings. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I think you mean “condemn” not “condone”. I’m… not even sure. Point is, blah.

There’s always the old argument: kids have to be shown the world, in all its horrible glory. I’m not sure that’s necessary in these modern times of mass media and shucked propriety. But then, it wasn’t really necessary back in those less-than-modern times of sudden death of loved ones due to Cholera/TB/disco.

In year 11 we studied ‘appropriation’ in english. My group was charged with performing Little Red Riding Hood as a soap opera. I’d say we managed quite nicely. The woodchopper’s evil twin was a nice touch.

My sister is studying the same subject this year. Her group did sci-fi.

In conclusion, fairy tales merely serve to give us all something to discuss in literary circles.

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